50 Tweets Every ‘Sanskari’ Woman Would Laugh At

Just scroll down and let your tummy pain.

1.

Guy: hey your bra strap is showing
Same guy: *pulls dick out to pee on the road*

— Neha Ramneek Kapoor (@PWNeha) December 4, 2016

2.

If you sucked my titties you can never talk shit about me I’m your mom now respect me

— Lisa (@champagneeelisa) October 18, 2016

3.

When he finally finds your g-spot pic.twitter.com/jgFRLyAW7q

— Priyal (@priyal) October 7, 2015

4.

i call my vagina ‘pomegranate’ because dudes don’t know how to eat it

— CAT GRANDMA (@priya_ebooks) July 5, 2014

5.

is this about sucking dick pic.twitter.com/nlG1kfwcPJ

— inet 👻 (@lifegonewild) January 29, 2017

6.

Guy: Your boobs are amazing.
Me: Thanks, I grew them myself.

— Animisha (@anymysha) December 27, 2014

7.

If ever there’s a dinosaur on the loose destroying the Taj Mahal people will still stare at the girl smoking on the sidewalk.

— Cathartic Screams (@Just_Screams) February 23, 2016

8.

Honey, you can’t stop me. Even my sanitary pad has wings.

— Priya Sometimes (@PriyaSometimes) January 24, 2016

9.

Damn boy, are you a bra? Because you make me uncomfortable but society has brainwashed me into thinking I need you

— Audrey Porne (@AudreyPorne) October 2, 2015

10.

*having sex*
boy: did you cum yet
girl: not yet
boy: *does nothing* how about now?
girl: sure
boy: sweet

— designer cucci (@sarah_lawwwd) December 18, 2016

11.

Always a relief when you get your period & realize you’re not in fact pregnant WITH SADNESS

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) January 22, 2016

12.

*during sex*

him: fuck. ur tight

me: thanks. ur pretty cool too

— isabel (@lSABABE) September 5, 2016

13.

Sex with me is like a rollercoaster: you scream, your hair gets messed up, there are dizzying highs and lows, someone peed in the rear

— Witchy Woman (@dreamthievin) February 16, 2016

14.

Facebook album name: “Dandiya Nite 2012 <3”, Realtistic album name: “Backless choli poses in 317 angles”

— P (@lovehandle_) October 23, 2012

15.

I call my vagina “New Yorker cartoon” because it’s dry and a handful of people have laughed at it

— Megan Amram (@meganamram) October 16, 2016

16.

You vs the girl he tells you not to worry about pic.twitter.com/cC2rQ3GktS

— Sharma Ji Ki Ladki (@lady_gabbar) August 23, 2016

17.

Whenever my parents ask about marriage I become a govt officer and sit over the proposal for days for no reason

— MazelTov (@runjhunmehrotra) February 18, 2016

18.

Age 15: One day I’ll date a hot and rich guy
Age 21: One day I’ll date a hot guy
Age 25: One day I’ll date a guy
Age 29: Bhaad mein jao sab

— Supriya Joshi (@supaarwoman) July 8, 2015

19.

*Uber driver reaches girlfriend’s elbow*

Uber Driver: Haanji main clitoris pe aa gaya hoon.

— Ashish Shakya (@stupidusmaximus) November 24, 2016

20.

Turns out I’ve been wearing the wrong sized bra!!! I should have been wearing one that was much bigger and had no straps and is pajamas

— Emily Heller (@MrEmilyHeller) April 20, 2016

21.

Met some hot singles in the ICICI Bank queue. Thank you Modiji. 😘

— Anuradha (@anuradha_kush) November 11, 2016

22.

Wanted to go out on a romantic dinner date with boyfriend. Can you suggest some nice boyfriend?

— Poulami Sinha (@ThePhoolanDevi) January 4, 2016

23.

A child in the coffee shop cried and cried until she was given a cake pop, and as I walked past, I whispered, “Your technique is flawless.”

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) December 3, 2016

24.

It is quite okay to be a dick if everyone around you sucks.

— 👸 (@aNuSFW) September 4, 2015

25.

attention men: pls stop telling us you want to go down on us for “hours”. thats way too long. we have stuff to do. i’ve got a lasagne cookin

— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) October 6, 2016

26.

Oh baby make me scream harder

*burns a hole in her Zara dress*

— mediocre gandhi (@mediocregandhi) February 19, 2016

27.

Sometimes I charge my phone up to 98% and unplug it bcz why should I be the only one who didn’t have the orgasm

— Post thengakola (@amyoosed) November 12, 2016

28.

I wear short skirts to attract male attention but also to give my turds easy and direct access to the ground

— Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) August 22, 2016

29.

(late 20s & living w parents)

me: mom we r out of eggs so i am going out to buy some

mom: soon u will b out of eggs that cannot be bought

— crapo (@Creepowoman) December 24, 2016

30.

Used so much Fair&Lovely on my face that now I can’t even walk down the street without winning sports tournaments or getting job offers.

— Cathartic Screams (@Just_Screams) November 4, 2015

31.

Fifty Shades of Grey is romantic only because the guy is a billionaire. If he was from Delhi, it would be a Crime Patrol episode.

— Jungli Billi (@iamhorcrux) March 10, 2015

32.

Somebody please write a book on Indian culture ASAP because I don’t know what to wear and where not to go alone anymore.

— Pallavi (@PolyesterPalla) January 4, 2017

33.

Behind every successful woman are her parents… wondering why she hasn’t found someone yet and when she plans on getting married.

— Anuya Jakatdar (@anuyeaah) February 11, 2014

34.

Lady saw my tattoo and asked me “dard nahi hua tha?”, so I looked at her kid and asked the same thing.

— Sugandha Mahajan (@Stellla_Artois) December 15, 2014

35.

Girls are given teddy bears to psychologically train them to like their short, fat and hairy husbands in future.

— Poonam Khatri (@poonamkhatri) October 17, 2013

36.

Man: I’ll never date a feminist

Feminists: True

— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) September 8, 2016

37.

*Going through my contact list*

Dad: Beta, yeh jo Tinder surname waale hai matlab woh kaunsi caste ke hote hai?

— Sonali Thakker (@SonaliThakker) March 26, 2016

38.

Me: I’m only meeting him to chill
Me to me: shave your pussy just incase pic.twitter.com/yqt1whQ3yb

— ads (@adetasie) November 14, 2016

39.

My ass could break the Internet too. I just have to sit on the router.#BreakTheInternet

— mediocre gandhi (@mediocregandhi) December 5, 2014

40.

My biggest worry when I’m flirting with a boy is that he’s going to die & our text messages are going to be on the news.

— P (@lovehandle_) November 12, 2012

41.

Funniest is when a female character in a saas-bahu serial says “Mai tayyaar hoke aati hoon”

Behen, aur tayyar hogi toh yudh pe jaana padega

— Villainiya (@DushtaStree) January 31, 2016

42.

So when Aladdin rubs something and gets rich it’s a fairy tale but when other girls do it it’s prostitution?

— Post Woke Z. (@zedchrmsm) August 23, 2016

43.

Hey boy, are you a software update? Because not now

— Desi (@DesiJed) May 10, 2015

44.

your early 20s vs your late 20s pic.twitter.com/VDnRpWyeVT

— keely flaherty (@flahertykeely) April 26, 2016

45.

My mother lands Sunday night, which means I have 48 hours to clean my apartment, lose 10 pounds, and write a New York Times bestseller.

— Chloe Angyal (@ChloeAngyal) September 30, 2016

46.

Its really cute how girls only mention their age in their bio till they’re 19. After that, its all ‘voracious reader’ & ‘dog lover’.

— P (@lovehandle_) October 8, 2012

47.

Find someone who looks at you the way Arnab looks at Modi.

— Aditi (@awryaditi) June 28, 2016

48.

I like to sit on my hand until it goes numb so it feels like someone else is liking my Instagram photos

— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) July 12, 2016

49.

Always appreciate Indian female ghosts. They spend entire day washing their saree to get that perfect whiteness and wear it in the night.

— Goddess👸🏻 (@LEDtvn) September 30, 2014

50.

*one day before marriage*
Parents: Don’t talk to the groom. Don’t see him. Don’t think.

*one day after marriage*
Parents: BABIES, BABIESS!

— Prajakta M. (@SocialBitterfly) April 9, 2014

Do you still have any doubt that women aren’t funny?